Saturday, November 27, 2010
...playing with my head...
"Forgiven" by Sanctus Real
Well the past is playing with my head
And failure knocks me down again
I’m reminded of the wrong
That I have said and done
And that devil just wont let me forget
In this life
I know what I’ve been
But here in your arms
I know what I am
[chorus]
I’m forgiven
I’m forgiven
And I don’t have to carry
The weight of who I’ve been
Cause I’m forgiven
My mistakes are running through my mind
And I’ll relive my days, in the middle of the night
When I struggle with my pain, wrestle with my pride
Sometimes I feel alone, and I cry
In this life
I know what I’ve been
But here in your arms
I know what I am
When I don't fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere
When I don’t measure up to much in this life
Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ ‘cause
I’m forgiven
I’m forgiven
And I don’t have to carry
The weight of who I’ve been
Cause I’m forgiven
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
After hearing a sermon online from Cornerstone Christian fellowship in Seattle about inner healing.."Becoming a house of healing"...Haa, then it seems like "the past is paying w/ my head"... reminded of the wrongs I've said and done. Well, I guess I just gotta have faith in HIm that I'm forgiven...
Ugh, why am i so weak..? Why am I scared/worried about the future/other uncertainties? I need some power....stronger faith.
suddenly thought of this "old" song...made me cry. ha!
ugh, so fan.... go away...go away...go away.......!
Hmmm...still wonder what the next year would be like....
Monday, November 15, 2010
What's my goal?
Yeah....to stay or not to stay. I guess it's still too early to say. True. What's my goal? What do I want to get out of this experience? Thank God that His words are helping me to better adapt to my life here. Initially I felt quite uneasy on all the changes that was happening. Yeah....suddenly leaving what's familiar can cause emptiness....like...what am I doing? I have nothing left w/o other external stuff to keep me occupied. This is the day that the Lord has made. God is slowly telling me to rely on Him instead of relying on man or environment. The world will change. I guess I felt a bit frustrated at changes. What once to be somewhat familiar seems to become more and more distant. Well, I'll be safe in Your arms right? =) You'll lead me wherever I go. With your power, some things can be easier than anticipated. Unfortunately, I have to admit my weakness...loneliness still strikes me sometimes. May God continue to give me strength and wisdom to do what I'm meant to do. May we be able to walk through my life together. Fear not! 主永遠與我同在，在你裏面沒有改變，你的信實從昨日到今日一直到永遠！ Amen! Emmanuel. =)
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Solitude...
Hmmm...a sudden thought. Well, although my sis and stan are here w/ me in Japan...I wonder if God is trying to "take away" everyone who were used to be "close" to me and put everything foreign around me.....!? I guess things happen for a reason. Although I'm not sure what the plan is like, I guess I just have to have faith in God that all things work together for the good. No matter how "uneasy" I feel about the situations, I just need to be strong and trust that God will lead. God will never give me tests/challenges that are too hard for me to bear right? Yes, I guess it's a great time of faith. God, please lead me and show me your way!! Sometimes situations may seem unpleasant, God, please help me to stand on ur words and believe that You will guide me through using Your ways. Thanks God. You are awesome. =)
ahaha....1 or 2?? that's a question. haa!
ahaha....1 or 2?? that's a question. haa!
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Recent happenings~
Wooo...it's November already!! I have been in Japanland for 3 months now! October actually went by somewhat fast. I guess it was a somewhat pleasant month? Not much had happened. It's usually just work...occassionally hang out w/ other ALTs (yes...don't really have Japanese friends yet......) Haaa...ohohoh.....my Japanese drama crave is back! Yup, a lot of drama watching time. =P
Man, I really really need to work on my Japanese!!! I hate not being able to communicate w/ others!!! or....I really dislike the feeling of taking forever to say something....... =( That's probably one of the reasons why I rarely speak to the people at work. I do want to speak to my coworkers more though..... I often feel like I'm in my own little world at work....and often not sure what I should be doing at work. I'm also often not sure how I should plan the lessons....what are the best ways for the kids to learn the language...etc. Hmm, I wonder if I'm thinking too much...haa! Well, so recently (been happening for awhile actually..), I kept on thinking if I should stay here for 1 year or 2 years.....Hmmm..not sure.
A few days ago, I had the opportunity to talk to Uncle B and Uncle Man sing via skype. Haaa...when I was talking to uncle B, tears suddenly came out..XD I guess I do miss home. I miss the great ppl back home. I miss hearing their voices. I miss seeing them. I miss spending time with them. なつかしい。。。 Well, but as the November 1 card said, "you dream came true!" Yes, that's right. Coming to Japan had been my dream. I should treasure every moment. =) This is the day that the Lord has made, so I shall rejoice and be glad in it. =)
Ahhhh!!! Passion 2010 concert just happened in Van!!! Obviously I miss it.....WELL...BUT I'M GONNA SEE MY LOVELY SIS AND BRO IN LAW IN LIKE...AN HOUR!! What can I say.....? God is good to me. =) Gyutan time! =)
So it was our school's chorus contest yesterday. It was awesome to see the students perform after the days and weeks of practice. Man....I miss singing..... Although I was never in choir...I do miss singing...very much. It's an in-school chorus contest, so each class competes each other. It's great to students play piano, and conduct! I was really amazed at one of the students in 2-7. He's a short and little guy. He was the conductor for their free choice song. His conducting was good! It was song w/ hard beats.....It was just awesome! I couldn't help myself but to say "subarashii" to him afterwards....haa! Well, I think I will remember his name from now on. =) Although he didn't win for the conductor award, his conducting was pretty awesome to me. It was AMAZING to see how TALENTED those students were!!!! That's especially true for those students whom I know a bit better. =) すばらしい！
After our chorus contest, teachers had "drinking party" again, just like Sports day last time. After I said "yes" to the party on Tues., I was actually a bit regretted... Since I never really talk to my co-workers, I didn't know what to expect in the party. Also, I didn't really do anything for the chorus contest. Last time at the Sports day party, it was a bit awkward cuz ppl didn't know what to say to me. haa! XD Also, it's kinda expensive this time...haaa. It's like $50 for chinese food. Well, so when I went to the restaurant, I was trying to be all cheerful and stuff....and said a lot of "お疲れ様でした” Hehe, to my surprise (a bit), Nemoto sensei who was sitting beside me started to talk to me. =) Hehe, then conversations using super broken Japanese started. =) Thanks for the itouch my lovely friend! I was able to show the teachers some pictures. That was kinda nice. Haaa, and I guess it's a Japanese way of doing things. Everyone had to do a little speech. I did my little speech too. Well, I didn't say much. I just said something like it was amazing...blah blah. It WAS amazing. I wish I was singing with the students. It was nice to hear the teachers talk about the kids...blah blah. =) It was quite a pleasant dinner. I was glad that I was able to talk to them. Wow, seriously, God, You're amazing. =) I trusted that you will guide me and You pleasant surprised me! Hopefully I could interect with my coworkers more from now on. Haaaa, I left a bit early from the dinner, but it was like 11:15. We started at 7......it was interesting how long it lasted. I guess 快樂時間過得特別快吧。。。 Thanks Lord....really. Thanks for leading me through my everyday life...no matter how big or small the things are. =)
Haaaa...ok, time to vaccum.............sooo dirty.. =S
Counting down. I can't wait til Christmas. =)
cheers my friends! God loves you and I love you. =)
Man, I really really need to work on my Japanese!!! I hate not being able to communicate w/ others!!! or....I really dislike the feeling of taking forever to say something....... =( That's probably one of the reasons why I rarely speak to the people at work. I do want to speak to my coworkers more though..... I often feel like I'm in my own little world at work....and often not sure what I should be doing at work. I'm also often not sure how I should plan the lessons....what are the best ways for the kids to learn the language...etc. Hmm, I wonder if I'm thinking too much...haa! Well, so recently (been happening for awhile actually..), I kept on thinking if I should stay here for 1 year or 2 years.....Hmmm..not sure.
A few days ago, I had the opportunity to talk to Uncle B and Uncle Man sing via skype. Haaa...when I was talking to uncle B, tears suddenly came out..XD I guess I do miss home. I miss the great ppl back home. I miss hearing their voices. I miss seeing them. I miss spending time with them. なつかしい。。。 Well, but as the November 1 card said, "you dream came true!" Yes, that's right. Coming to Japan had been my dream. I should treasure every moment. =) This is the day that the Lord has made, so I shall rejoice and be glad in it. =)
Ahhhh!!! Passion 2010 concert just happened in Van!!! Obviously I miss it.....WELL...BUT I'M GONNA SEE MY LOVELY SIS AND BRO IN LAW IN LIKE...AN HOUR!! What can I say.....? God is good to me. =) Gyutan time! =)
So it was our school's chorus contest yesterday. It was awesome to see the students perform after the days and weeks of practice. Man....I miss singing..... Although I was never in choir...I do miss singing...very much. It's an in-school chorus contest, so each class competes each other. It's great to students play piano, and conduct! I was really amazed at one of the students in 2-7. He's a short and little guy. He was the conductor for their free choice song. His conducting was good! It was song w/ hard beats.....It was just awesome! I couldn't help myself but to say "subarashii" to him afterwards....haa! Well, I think I will remember his name from now on. =) Although he didn't win for the conductor award, his conducting was pretty awesome to me. It was AMAZING to see how TALENTED those students were!!!! That's especially true for those students whom I know a bit better. =) すばらしい！
After our chorus contest, teachers had "drinking party" again, just like Sports day last time. After I said "yes" to the party on Tues., I was actually a bit regretted... Since I never really talk to my co-workers, I didn't know what to expect in the party. Also, I didn't really do anything for the chorus contest. Last time at the Sports day party, it was a bit awkward cuz ppl didn't know what to say to me. haa! XD Also, it's kinda expensive this time...haaa. It's like $50 for chinese food. Well, so when I went to the restaurant, I was trying to be all cheerful and stuff....and said a lot of "お疲れ様でした” Hehe, to my surprise (a bit), Nemoto sensei who was sitting beside me started to talk to me. =) Hehe, then conversations using super broken Japanese started. =) Thanks for the itouch my lovely friend! I was able to show the teachers some pictures. That was kinda nice. Haaa, and I guess it's a Japanese way of doing things. Everyone had to do a little speech. I did my little speech too. Well, I didn't say much. I just said something like it was amazing...blah blah. It WAS amazing. I wish I was singing with the students. It was nice to hear the teachers talk about the kids...blah blah. =) It was quite a pleasant dinner. I was glad that I was able to talk to them. Wow, seriously, God, You're amazing. =) I trusted that you will guide me and You pleasant surprised me! Hopefully I could interect with my coworkers more from now on. Haaaa, I left a bit early from the dinner, but it was like 11:15. We started at 7......it was interesting how long it lasted. I guess 快樂時間過得特別快吧。。。 Thanks Lord....really. Thanks for leading me through my everyday life...no matter how big or small the things are. =)
Haaaa...ok, time to vaccum.............sooo dirty.. =S
Counting down. I can't wait til Christmas. =)
cheers my friends! God loves you and I love you. =)
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