March 14, 2011
In the morning, I had the opportunity to chat with my sister more about my decision. She had carefully analyzed the situation with me to help me make an informed decision. She also al so advised me to pray about it. Just when I was praying and washing dishes at the same time, Mr. Saito called me to tell me to go back to school next Tuesday. Somehow, from that moment on, I felt like I wanted to stay to help the community, and to do something for school since it would be the last few days of the school year. Therefore, I decided to stay. =)
I was very sure that I wanted to stay, so I instantly called my mom and chatted with her. It was very nice chatting w/ my mom because I knew she was very worried. She really wanted me to leave as well. I really wanted my mom to understand what I was thinking and what made me to have that decision. I told her something like I wanted to help w/ the community since God had put me in that situation. Also, I really wanted to attend school. My principal had been very good to me and next week would be her last week in the school. I really wanted to be a part of it. After my phone conversation with mom, I also talked w/ my aunt, who was uberly worried about me. It was very nice for them to understand me and gladly accept my decision. =) Well, of course my sis and a few awesome ppl back home had always been very supportive of whatever decision I made. =) I also called our Sendai educational advisor to let him know that I’m available to help.
Haha, I guess it was a bit contradicting because although I was telling myself that I would be staying, I went to the Australian info session on ways to leave the city if one chose to do so. I had the opportunity to hear many people’s opinion on leaving or staying in the city... Then I started to doubt myself.......Why was I still there???? It was kind of frustrating.
When I went home, I saw a friend who was going to leave the city but ended up staying! We started to have a little discussion on what we were thinking and why we did what we did. Yeah, what he said actually resonant with what I was thinking. I felt like I shouldn’t be leaving the city leaving all the other Japanese people here. I do somehow feel like I’m part of this community. I might be an outsider, but I feel like I should be here with the others. I didn’t like the idea of leaving just because the city was in trouble. I told many people that if I were either a visitor or a student, I would have left. However, I work with other Japanese teachers and I felt I should be there to “fight” with them… Some people think these are stupid things to stop one from leaving, but yea.......it was those stupid reasons that kept me from leaving. Well, I’ve also heard a lot of stuff about the whole nuclear thing....I didn’t really know what to believe anymore......
Again, a night of uncertainty...a night of frustration.
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